THE IVORY SNOW (JOB) PURITY TEST
 
 
     Want to find out for sure how  you rate? Take this simple test. Answer the
following 100  YES or NO  questions. Score by  subtracting YESes from  100 (or,
more simply, by counting NOs for all you perverts [that's PerVECTS] out there).
Abbreviations used are as  follows: MOS = Member of the Opposite  Sex HSI = Had
Sexual Intercourse
 
     Have you ever:
 
1)   had a date?
2)   told a dirty joke to a MOS?
3)   been out on a date after 4:00 A.M.?
4)   had an erection/clitoral erection?
5)   had a blind date?
6)   danced cheek to cheek?
7)   kissed an MOS?
8)   kissed an MOS in the horizontal position?
9)   kissed an MOS in the last three months?
10)  kissed under water?
11)  been french kissed?
12)  kissed an MOS on the thigh?
13)  kissed an MOS/been kissed on the breast?
14)  necked?
15)  necked for more than two hours straight?
16)  come while necking?
17)  seen a naked MOS over the age of fifteen?
18)  been seen naked by a MOS after puberty?
19)  seen a stripper?
20)  read a pornographic book or magazine?
21)  seen a pornographic movie?
22)  committed an act of voyeurism?
23)  had an alcoholic drink?
24)  been drunk?
25)  used alcohol to lower an MOS's resistance to sex?
26)  smoked tobacco?
27)  smoked marijuana or hashish?
28)  used a stronger drug?
29)  been arrested?
30)  been convicted of a crime?
31)  fondled a girl's breasts/had your breasts fondled?
32)  caressed an MOS's thigh?
33)  fondled an MOS's ass?
34)  fondled an MOS's genitals?
35)  had your genitals fondled?
36)  done/had a mutual clitoral stimulation?
37)  had an orgasm due to manipulation by an MOS?
38)  gone through the motions of intercourse fully dressed?
39)  massaged or been massaged by an MOS?
40)  showered, bathed, or saunaed with an MOS?
41)  been undressed by an MOS?
42)  undressed an MOS?
43)  had Sexual intercourse?
44)  HSI outdoors?
45)  HSI more than 10 times (total) ?
46)  HSI with a virgin?
47)  HSI three or more times in one night?
48)  HSI in three or more positions?
49)  HSI in a car?
50)  HSI with two MOS's in twenty-four hours?
51)  HSI using a condom?
52)  HSI at a drive-in theater?
53)  HSI at an MOS's house?
54)  HSI within the last three months?
55)  HSI while swimming?
56)  HSI while another was asleep in the same room?
57)  had anal intercourse?
58)  impregnated a woman/been pregnant?
59)  arranged/had an abortion?
60)  gone on/been the subject of a nookie run of over 200 miles?
61)  described a sexual experience to a third party.
62)  committed incest?
63)  been in a threesome/experienced sex with two people at once?
64)  committed/been forcibly raped?
65)  committed/been statutorily raped?
66)  attended an orgy?
67)  been propositioned by a pimp or prostitute?
68)  accepted?
69)  done 69?
70)  engaged in cunnilingus?
71)  engaged in fellatio?
72)  masturbated?
73)  masturbated with another person in the room?
74)  masturbated to a picture?
75)  been caught masturbating?
76)  watched someone else masturbate?
77)  been propositioned by a homosexual?
78)  accepted?
79)  been masturbated by a member of the same sex?
80)  been orally stimulated by a member of the same sex?
81)  HSI with a homosexual MOS?
82)  lived in a coed room with three or more occupants?
83)  been displaced by an MOS staying with a roommate for a night?
84)  committed an OOPS (walked in on the act) ?
85)  spent a night in an MOS's room or apartment?
86)  slept with an MOS?
87)  had a VD test due to reasonable suspicion?
88)  had VD?
89)  had passion cramps?
90)  fondled an MOS who was under the age of thirteen?
91)  worn the intimate clothing of an adult MOS?
92)  committed bestiality?
93)  tasted semen?
94)  simulated intercourse with an inanimate object?
95)  played coed strip poker?
96)  picked up an MOS?
97)  had an orgasm in a dream?
98)  experienced sexuality before puberty?
99)  purchased contraceptives in a drug store?
100) committed an act of exhibitionism?
 
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     And now to grade the results.  If your score was:
 
  100:  Unicorn bait!!
75-99:  Definitely Paladin material!
50-74:  Nebbish but working on it.
35-49:  *Ah* Ain't Love grand?
25-34:  Enthusiastic!
15-24:  Vive l'experience!!
 5-14:  Call the Vice Squad!!
  0-4:   Doing anything tonight?